Buddhist answers to common questions
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9 January, 2009 – Lam Shenphen Zangpo answers basic questions that every Bhutanese man, woman, and child on the street wants to know.
I am not as smart as my friends. This makes me feel inadequate and shy. Can Buddhism help me overcome this problem?
I’ll answer this question with a story. Once a very shy young man approached a Zen master who was famous throughout Japan for being fearless. He wanted to know whether practising Buddhism could help him become strong and powerful like the master. In reply, the old monk shouted, “No, Zen is useless”.
At the time, the young man thought the master was just saying this to prevent him from becoming attached to worldly goals. In his heart, however, he felt sure that if he trained with him he would in fact become strong and less shy.
The young man became a monk and practised diligently with his teacher until he died some twenty years later. At that time, he reflected on the conversation held many years before and concluded that he had not actually become stronger and more out going. However, there had been a major shift in the way he viewed himself. Before, he was ashamed of his shy nature and the way he stuttered when speaking in front of many people. He was still introvert and stuttered, but now he was not ashamed of his nature. Basically, he had stopped comparing himself with others.
He described the situation in this way: His teacher was like a huge sunflower. That was his character. He was born like that. On the contrary, he was more akin to a small violet. Obviously a violet cannot become a sunflower – nor in fact does it need to. It is perfect in its own way. Only our conditioning create prejudices such as big is better than small or that one thing is ugly and another beautiful. From their side, there is no such differentiation.
Take for example a broken cup. To a person with a preconceived idea of a cup it is an inferior and less than perfect item. On the other hand, to a person who has no impression of a cup, a complete and broken cup are equally perfect. Likewise, an insect is as happy to rest on one as the other. Therefore, we can understand that perfection is purely a product of our education and conditioning. It is not inherent to the object itself.
This was the lesson that our young monk learned. Through practice, he understood that it is pointless to define and confirm our own self-identity based on comparisons to others because there is always someone more handsome, smarter or more out going. When compared to Mr or Miss Universe, for example, we are ugly, but next to a one eyed monkey we are considered attractive. Our judgements are therefore only relative views based on changing reference points. Yet, because we mistakenly accept them as reality, they are a major source of our insecurities.
Seeking happiness in outer things is like leaning on a wobbly chair for stability. It is impossible to achieve because the object we rely on is itself unstable and constantly moving. Consequently, when it wobbles, we wobble. As a result we never feel content and secure.
The trick is to be at ease with ourselves. That does not mean to be lazy or follow whims, because these are also symptoms of avoiding reality. Being at ease with ourselves means to face each situation with equanimity and to deal with it to the best of our ability, and finally if we discover that we are a violet, then be a violet. However, we must open, and that means to accept ourselves as we are – without comparisons.
So, to answer the initial question, yes, Buddhism can definitely help with the problem. It will not make you smarter, but it will offer you means by which to be at peace with yourself. In particular, the practice of developing ‘pure vision’ is helpful in deconstructing prejudices, while meditation allows space for a state of no reference to exist.
Source: Kuenselonline